How to measure karma?
by nuttycrazymad
Summary: Peter thoughts as he watches Stiles sleep after returning from the dead. Rated M for creepiness
1. Chapter 1

How to measure karma?

Peter sighed as he ran his hand down Stiles' sleeping face softly. It seemed like forever ago when he felt the pull, the need, to follow this beautiful boy. Stiles wasn't handsome or roguishly good looking in any way but he was beautiful with his big brown doe like eyes, big pouty lips, begging to be kissed, and soft snow white skin. He was beautiful and that worried Peter because any one who looked would see how lovely he was, and if any of the admires stopped to look past the constant chatter and inability to sit still for longer than a second or two they would see what a wonderful person he was as well.

Most of his half dead time had been worrying that someone would steal Stiles' affection, heart or worse break it. The majority of his insanity had drained from him in the in-between. It was hard to keep all that you where when you die and come back but he didn't die whole in the first place. He had died years ago in the fire, and insanity had taken the place of the part of him he had lost; his conscience, his morality, his humanity.

He had lost over 95% of his family in the fire then of the two remaining he murdered one in cold blood, it was unintentional but he still did it. Still murdered his beautiful niece, she was never meant to be an Alpha, never meant to run a pack. As she got older it became obvious that she couldn't, it hadn't been in her nature. She was to free and she was independent, which was good but not what a leader should be. The decision had just been made, that was why the whole pack, the whole family was together at once to announce that Derek was to be trained to be Alpha instead, and until he was fully trained Peter would be next in line. The previsions where being put in place, just not soon enough, the fire happened before the rite could be done. Without it, without an Alpha's power being transferred through dominance, it went to his beautiful charismatic niece who despite training left their land, left her wounded pack member, to die alone for years.

To say she was his only victim would be wrong, Derek was also his victim. Derek, who he had loved more than any other until he found Stiles. He had destroyed him and that hurt more than anything else. He would gladly suffer the fire over and over again if it would save Derek. But Derek needed saving for himself as much more than he needed saving from Peter. Peter was the constant reminder of what he did, of his one mistake; of being too young and being manipulated, of trusting that the reason that his _teacher_ cared so much was love, that not everyone who knew of werewolves wanted something and she was one of them. Peter was the reminder of how their family, their loved ones, their _pack,_ had died, burnt to a crisp. The humans at least died faster the smoke killed most, some of the wolves died with their human mates trying to draw out the pain, to heal the chocking lungs, the boiling flesh, others from the wolf bane concoctions, some slowly burning again and again until healing no longer worked retreating till their wolf took control.

Stiles mumbled in his sleep pressing into his hand, god how he wished he could turn back time and right his wrongs. Because the marks on his soul where so dark, and if that dark mixes with pure white, it's going to leave its mark. He remembers when he was good, when he smiled nice smiles, not 'creepy' smiles as Stiles likes to call them, held the door, waiting patiently for his turn. He didn't want to be rich he didn't want to be famous he didn't want to be the Alpha he just wanted to be happy, no not happy, content, but he wanted to be content with his mate. Then again, that implied that he would be happy, it implied perfection. He waited for his mate, he was good for his mate, he was trapped in a half dead body waiting for his chance six years of waiting only seeing a deranged nurse and Derek when he came back for a visit. He would sit and cry about how sorry he was, how much he missed him and how guilty he felt over what happened. This was one of the ways in which he destroyed his beloved nephew. Unable to tell him it was in no way his fault that Ka...that the fire...that what happened happened and those responsible would have done it one way or another. He hated his niece for not protecting Derek from himself and Peter, she should have told him that he was more a victim than the deceased, that what that _thing _did to him through lies and how _it_ betrayed him only to leave him guilt ridden for _its_ miss deeds, unable to forgive or trust. Laura should have came with him to see Peter she knew that pack healed faster when together, but that was neither here nor there, what did matter was that she abandoned Derek to remains of his family when he needed someone, she left him to care about the hospital bills and the care he received and whether or not any one would be home instead of just the lights being on.

Waiting those last six years was what killed him more than the fire, waiting to be released until he let go, abandoning himself to his wolf. A wolf that had been trapped for years in constant pain, he took revenge. Only he forgot that Laura who abandoned him, abandoned Derek was pack because after six years his wolf didn't recognise the charred remains of his pack. He didn't recognise the call of his mate at first either.

He was lucky he died twice once in the fire once by the hand of the two people he loved most in the world. When he died the second time he lost the crazy, he procured the first time and found part of himself he had lost.

Watching Stiles sleep he had to wonder how this was his life. The remains of his life where somehow better, better than the waiting in the loving embrace of his family. He had the broken remains of his most treasured family member, and his mate who despite knowing of werewolves, and all that goes bump in the night, just wants to help. His beloved mate was the centre of his universe; who was still in high school, trying to fool himself into being in love with a heartless harpy of a girl; who was only sixteen and addicted to his ADHD meds; who's heart speed up in fear when he got to close; who saw nothing of the murderer he was driven to be; whose father was the sheriff of this small town and would most likely kill him without a second thought if he knew the way he wanted his son. The thing was that even having a mate that didn't know he was your mate and had refused the bite from you when you where partly deranged is better that not having one.

Stiles was his mate and if it was the last thing he did he would make him **HIS.** He would fix his nephew; he would make himself be good enough for Stiles.

_Note unfinished written first thing in morning/ last thing at night by a crazy person. Say if you want more._


	2. Chapter 2

The first time Stiles saw Peter properly after his return is when he ran Jackson over in an attempt to save him. It worked kind of, Lidia saved him, Stiles let go. His world had finally lost what little sense it had. The girl he 'loved' chose the douche that picked being a werewolf over her. Sure he knew on some level that he didn't really love her, it was an obsession, but it still hurt.

He came last again; hell he didn't even register as an option. That was the point, but to know that he would have died for her, and she still looked past him. They all did: Scott, Alison, Derek, Erika, Boyd and Isaac, all looked through him. The cold feeling when you know that the people you sacrifice everything for don't register you.

The group dispersed quickly after that, Scott didn't offer an explanation, he just left with Allison and her dad, and she 'needed him'. Isaac and Derek left for wherever it is they go. Jackson and Lidia barely made it out the warehouse; they were so wrapped up in each other. Peter, the one who tried to turn him, threatened to kill people, and blackmailed him was the one who stayed.

"Why you still here?"

"Well, you see a dead but not quite dead person just crawled away from here not all that safe." The smile he gave was sad you could practically smell the hurt from the boy.

"Well he knows kidnapping me and beating me up means nothing to the pack so I'm ...I'm safe." His voice cracked at the end as he crumbled to his knees. Peter shot forward catching him. Just holding him hurt, the bitter sweet pain of holding the thing you want most but knowing that it's not quite right, not how you need to have it to be everything you ever wanted, but still more than you deserve. The thought of the pain Stiles was in made him want to kill. Pulling him to the jeep he pressed him to the door cupping his face in his hands.

"Shhh, I've got you. I've got you. Don't worry I've got you."

"I just don't get it; he didn't tell me and they don't care, why? What did I do?"

"Nothing, you did nothing wrong! You're perfect, just perfect, just perfect the way you are, just too perfect. And really in need of some rest right now ok?"

A wide eyed nod was the only response he got, but it was all he needed, this was better than anything he could have hoped for; Stiles was letting him in. He was showing his vulnerable side that he hid so well.

After pulling the jeep from the rubble and popping out some of the worse dents he was on his way, Stiles curled up against him half asleep. The few tears had dried, now he looked broken, even as he slid the false happy/indifferent face on, covering his gapping wounds and shattered hopes.

_Note: So, so sorry for the long wait. And thank you thank you for all the great reviews. I just had a million and one ideas and none of them were any good so if you have any you would like to share I am all ears. Oh and you can thank Jibberingthoughtsoffle for this chapter - she told me off for the long wait you had. _


End file.
